We’ve all done it—had that immediate reaction to something someone said and next thing you know we’re in a huge kerfuffle of a conversation.  Then later, after you’ve had a chance to replay the conversation in your head, or maybe while you are still in the conversation, you realize either what you thought was said isn’t really what was said and the two of you aren’t that far apart anyway, or, the whole issue isn’t really that big a deal.  So how do we avoid those blow-ups and misunderstandings?

In Day 2 of our discussion, we further explore ways that help and hinder our communicating effectively, based on biblical principles.


Let Scripture Be Your Guide

Matthew 6:14-15  “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

If we are humble, we are probably guilty of something very similar to our spouse or the other party.  Realize that if we are guilty of the same thing we accuse others of, then we are hypocrites.

Don’t allow relatively unimportant disagreements to become major issues. Click To Tweet

Matthew 7:1-5  ​ “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

Respect others and treat them the way we would like to be treated. Click To Tweet

Matthew 7:12  “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

This requires understanding the perspective of the other person.  How would I feel if they were confronting me with the issue I am now confronting them with?  Would I want them to be careful, considerate and helpful?  Or condemning and unforgiving?  Why should I expect my spouse to be gentle and helpful to me when I treat them the exact opposite?

Understand causality in the Bible. Click To Tweet

Galatians 6:7-10 “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”


Several important principles to grasp

First, when we treat others badly, it will come back to affect us.

  • revenge
  • loss of intimacy and fellowship
  • God’s discipline and justice

Second, God will reward us if we are treated unfairly, but do not respond out of revenge.


Communication from a position of pride gives Satan a strong foothold in the discussion.

Here’s the reality: If I go into the discussion unable to consider that I might have some of the blame in the conflict, how will I feel when my errors are revealed?  If I am prideful, I will justify my own bad behaviors and lash back at you to “prove” your errors are worse than mine.

If both parties are prideful, this starts an escalation of the conflict, as each party now starts to look for other situations where the other party was at fault in other situations.  The argument now escalates from one about a specific incident, to one of the other person’s character and nature.  It becomes personal instead of looking at a particular issue.

Communication from a position of pride gives Satan a foothold. Click To Tweet