We’ve all done it—if you are married it’s almost certain you have done or said something, or NOT done or said something when you should have, that ended up hurting your spouse. And chances are you weren’t even aware of it. After all, God made us different, male and female He created us—both in His image, both with the desire to sin born into us, but both with different natures. We often have different ways of thinking, communicating, and acting—and we often slip into our natural tendency to forget there’s another person in the house, another person we are affecting with our actions. Helping us explore this topic today are a couple of blog posts, “7 Ways a Wife Injures a Husband – Without Even Knowing It” and “7 Ways a Husband Injures a Wife – Without Even Knowing It” by Pastor Ron Edmondson, taken from a sermon he gave.
Table Talk Notes
There is an important command from Jesus that will help us keep marriage in a wonderful perspective
Matthew 7:12 | “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
Principles help us have stronger, God-honoring relationships with our spouses
We must understand and accept what the Bible teaches us about the unique roles and responsibilities of husband and wife.
The husband is the head of the wife and should be honored such. The wife is to be cherished and loved by the husband above all others except God.
Perspective of Matthew 7:12
- Husbands: If I was the wife how would I want to be loved, cherished and respected?
- Wives: If I were the husband how would I want to be honored as head of the household?
This is called empathy—understanding the perspective of the other.
We look at our own words and actions more critically than we do our spouse’s actions
Matthew 7:3-5 | “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
It is part of our sinful human nature to look at ourselves as better than others, and more easily see faults in others than we do ourselves.
Effective communication is always so crucial
- Internal vs. external processors
- Feeling or factual thinkers?
- It is crucial we not get caught up in things of this world that distract us from intimate communication (television, sports, etc.)
Are we taking time to make communication and an honest sharing of our thoughts and feelings a regular part of our marriage?
Are we asking each other how we can be a better husband or wife? And are we giving honest answers when asked?
Proverbs 19:14 | “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
Proverbs 21:9 | “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
Proverbs 12:4 | “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
1 Peter 3:1-7 | “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Ephesians 5:24-33 | “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”