Relationships are tricky things, and maintaining balance in them between each other’s needs and desires can sometimes be like tip-toeing through a minefield. But it doesn’t have to be that way… all you have to do is ignore everything the world and political correctness says is right and just, everything it says you deserve, and you’ll have no problems at all! Well… that’s not exactly right, but it is a pretty good start. If you want a wonderful, perfect marriage, your only hope is to embrace the S word… submission. But before we get there, let’s clear the air about the things that really sabotage marriages, involving the ten things we do to each other that really undermine the intimacy you were hoping to have.
Table Talk Notes
Here are ten things you might be doing that your husband doesn’t like, and how to make it right between the two of you again.
- He hates when you throw him under the bus in public.
- He hates when you remind him of his past failures.
- He hates when you unload on him as soon as he walks in the door.
- He hates when you expect him to be just like your girlfriend.
- He hates when you expect him to read your mind.
- He hates when you treat him like your child.
- He hates when you unload the big guns at 11 p.m.
- He hates when you compare him to that “perfect guy” at church.
- He hates when you give him the silent treatment.
- He hates when you use sex as a weapon.
Content from the article, 10 Things Your Husband Hates, written by Kimberly Wagner. Please click the link to read the full article. This article originally appeared on KimberlyWagner.org. Used with permission.
LeRoy Wagner has served as a pastor and speaker for more than thirty years. Kimberly Wagner is the author of Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior. Men who Love Fierce Women: the Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage is their first book together. To learn more about the Wagner’s, visit kimberlywagner.org.
Here are 10 things your wife really doesn’t like:
- When you go right to “fix it” mode.
- When you don’t balance your hobbies and personal life well.
- Asking for a compliment.
- When you can’t leave stress at the door.
- Fighting for your attention.
- When you don’t share your thoughts and feelings.
- Feeling left out or not part of a team.
- Being compared to other women.
- Being expected to balance the home and family alone.
- Being the spiritual leader of the family.
BUT lest we leave you with no path to freedom in these minefields, and following Stormie Omartian’s example, here are 5 Powerful Prayers Every Wife Needs to Pray Over Her Husband…
- May he find satisfaction in God alone.
- May he be a man of Your Word.
- May he have humility: the courage to admit his need of God.
- May Your Praise be on his lips.
- May You transform my husband’s wife.
Ephesians 5:15-33 | Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
James 4:1-10 | What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
Matt 19:3-9 | And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
1 Cor 7:1-16 |Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control… To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Col 3:18-25 | Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
1 Peter 2:18-25 | Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
1 Peter 3:1-7 | Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.